Who spends fourth of July with people anyway?

As I sat at home on the fourth of July tonight, eating my lactose-free ice cream, watching Switched at Birth on ABC Family, I wondered what my boyfriend was doing, what my friends were doing, so on so forth. The rain has set in this week and rain for some awful reason makes my fibro worse. Flare up, more than usual, if you will. And I was thinking about last fourth of July when I was sitting with my friend, Trent watching fireworks until late and then went on an all night adventure with my other friend, Jake, I couldn't help but think... what is so different about this year? Whats different is the fact that my fibro is worse than ever these days it seems and my "friends" have all sort of well, disappeared, since September when it starting getting worse. They didn't all fade at once, but overtime they did. Whether they have met new friends who can do things all the time whenever they want to, or a significant other who they are completely wrapped up in, or the fact that they just can't understand why I feel so bad most of the time now. It occurred to me. This is NOT my fault I've gotten worse and why aren't they there for me? It mad me so mad thinking about this. Why are my friends not there for me? Why don't they try to understand? I see their post on facebook, on tumblr. The pictures the post on various social networks and things that I can openly see and they know that. I get a text from a few of them once or twice a week asking how I am and what I've been up to. And I now I think, why do you even bother? Is it like you actually care? I know that no one can understand my syndrome besides the ones who actually have it and then sometimes we don't understand what one another feels... but, how can someone who used to be your BEST FRIEND just all of the sudden fade away to a text once or twice a week and the, "oh sure! we'll hang out :) i miss you!" And then never try to hang out with me. Inviting me to watch a movie at your house with five other people just because I asked to spend time with you the week before, is NOT what I meant and you were my "best friend." You think you would know that. But I've been wrong about many things in my life. Loosing my two best friends to them dying was something I never imagined in my lifetime. But then meeting someone who was just like them both in one body and was there for me double the time they were. Now that was a shock. But, as everything seems to go in my life, I knew it was too good to be true. I am past your apologies, your text once a week. You know what I want? I want a friend who I can rely on. A friend that will be there for me no matter what I have or what I am faced with. Because, in fact, I am not as strong as you think I am. You ever thought that maybe you were my strength? Even though you'll never read this, I am happy that you have found friends you can hang out with at the drop of the hat. I will always remember the memories we made.

Kelli